Letting Go

I realize most of you probably don’t follow me on Social Media. So, until this moment you have been safe from my blubbering and carrying on like a wounded animal. Well, it looks like you luck has run out. Because I decided what better way to find peace then to blog about it. I’m sure that’s not what’s going to happen. In reality, there will be increased sales at the liquor stores. I mean I’m sure my rambling does that to everyone. I’m really amazed my husband hasn’t turned into an alcoholic to quiet my constant “going on and on”. But we will approach that subject another day. So, be on the look out for “How I keep sane. One’s man survival being hitched to a lunatic”.

So, what haves me in such anguish you might ask.?Well, my youngest has decided to really leave the “nest” this time. She did a year in college and roomed with some coworkers before moving back. But those were just small flights. Meaning she stayed in the same state. If she called I had the capability to get to her fast. Now, this child of mine is in the process of driving to Rhode Island. Rhode Island people! That’s like 1.930.0 miles away. Not like I googled that like some kind of psycho. Okay, I totally did! It’s 31 hours away! How can I just show up and say, “I was in the neighborhood”?

Most of you are probably wondering what the hell the problem is? Most of you are probably still raising kids. And the thought of having your kids grown and a house to yourself probably sounds like heaven. Lord knows I dreamed about this moment while raising all our kids. But you know what? It’s a load of shit! Just because they turn 18 or move out on their own. Doesn’t mean your job is done. Bet you didn’t know that? Your still going to worry. And where you might bite your tongue occasionally(Really it’s all the the fucking time) to keep from giving your opinion. Because you realize they have to find themselves in this world. That you can’t carry them for the rest of their lives(If I didn’t have a bad back I would so be okay with dragging them). They have to do things on their own without you telling them “WTF are you thinking?” or “Did I drop you on your head? That’s the stupid thing I’ve ever heard!” Because all those statements will do is have your adult children resent you. And you might end up on a future Dr. Phil show. On a side note, it’s perfectly okay to think those thoughts silently in your head. Because with 5 grown adult kids there’s always a competition to see who can make me smack my head the most.

Now, most of you probably zeroed on my previous comment of being upset why I couldn’t just show up and say, “I was in the neighborhood”. You are probably thinking this is exactly why she is moving half away across the country. In reality, I’m not an “overbearing” parent. Contrary to the vibe I’m giving off. I promise(What? My fingers aren’t crossed). I just have had my mind corrupted by movies like Taken and the news with their sex trafficking stories. So, excuse me if I have a “few” anxiety problems. I mean in reality this isn’t my first rodeo with a child moving out of state. But my oldest daughter is married. To me she at least has a husband to protect her. My daughter has a couple of friends, a can of expired mace, and a taser(which I’m sure she has never used).

Yesterday morning I had like an anxiety attack. That kind where Samuel L. Jackson shows up and tells you to get in the “Ativan”. Because you are out of control. My daughter set up some app where I can track her. Hey, she put it on. So, technically I’m really not an overbearing mom with stalker tendencies. It’s kind of a nice thing. I got to see where she was. Not, that I checked every half hour. I refrained to doing it only once an hour. But when she was still in Deerfield Illinois last night and when I woke up that morning. I got a tad bit panicky. Supposedly, they were driving straight through. Now, in the back of my mind I know they wanted to check out Chicago. So, they probably stayed in a hotel. But when the text I sent her the night before and the one in the morning went unanswered. I started to think all kinds of crazy shit. But determined not to be one of those “moms” I refused to call. She’s only been gone a day. I don’t want her to block my phone number the first week. I rationalized that I would wait till noon. Then, I was going to call my cousin, Highway Patrol, and Homeland Security. Why Homeland I have no idea? But it sounded like they might want to help. Until, that time I was going to channel my nervous energy into something else. Meaning cleaning the fuck out of the house and reorganizing my library. Before I started to offer to clean the neighbor’s houses.My daughter texted me. And just like that I could breathe again.

Rhode Isand isn’t even her first stop. She has a job lined up until October. Then, she’s heading to New Jersey to figure out where life takes her next. It’s like the movie “Mermaid” where Cher just closes her eyes and points to the next place they are moving to. In all honesty, I really loved that part of the movie. And have always wanted to do that. So, in a way I’m happy my daughter is doing things I never finished. But that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. I mean throwing invisible darts at a map is not helping. I need plans, itineraries, and background checks on everyone you are around. After that I might be okay with you acting like you are the star on, “Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego?”.

Most of you are probably collecting money to buy me lots of liquor. So, hopefully I will chill the fuck out and stay off my blog. It might help. I like vodka in case you were wondering. I realize it’s going to be an adjustment. And eventually I will realize she’s not 2 years old anymore.That she is an intelligent 20 year old woman who is just trying to leave her mark on this world. While she discovers who she is. Mentally I’m all for that. But my heart feels like Miley Cyrus just came crashing into it with a wrecking ball. In time, I ‘m sure acceptance will bring comfort. I mean I’m sure all parents have gone through this. If they have survived. I’m sure I will too. In the meantime, does anyone want to join my support group of “Overbearing parents that are in denial that they are overbearing”? My husband is out. Because our oldest daughter and grandkids go back to Texas in a week. He says, “August 1st we are having a party. This will be the first time we have no kids at home”! It amazes me how he says that with such a huge smile. The only other times I see him this happy is when he’s leaving for a week to go hunting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already bought new locks for the front door. And if he hasn’t, I just gave him the idea.

***I “borrowed” this pic from pin interest. So, I have no idea who to give credit to. So, I’ll just give it to Samuel L. Jackson. Seeing this is his face and all.***