The things I do to make a buck or two(And no I’m not stripping!)

Over a month ago ,I decided that it was time to part from what little items I had left from my Ebay store. I also decided to clean “house” and get rid of furniture or items we don’t use anymore. Every so often I go on these kicks. Compliments of the show “Hoarders”. Do you want to know what purgatory would be for me? Well, besides being blind and not being able to read. It would be living in a house full of junk! Now, Billy(my husband) if you are reading this I already know what you are thinking. And all I got to say is, “Shut your trap! My decorations and books do not fall in this category!”. Now, where was I. Oh, yes I decided to get rid of shit. And to make some money off it in the process. It seemed like a solid plan. Take pictures and post pics on different selling sites. And boom! I have more money to buy more “junk”.

Well, like most plans I have. This one is making me ready to drive these items to the nearest Goodwill and say screw it. Why you might ask? Because selling these things for the last month has reminded me why I stopped selling on Ebay. Like I can’t even deal with some of the questions people ask me. If the Facebook Marketplace has a “Are you fucking kidding me?” button as a option. I would be hitting that answer like a contestant on a game show. And I don’t know why this surprises me. Because I have a long history of dealing with buyers. Let me take you on a journey back through time ,as we go through the years of me being a seller.

First. lets begin in the Garage Sale days. Because I wasn’t familiar with Ebay yet .Back in those days I use to buy storage units. So, I needed to get that shit sold fast. Garage sales seemed like the easiest way to do it. Until, I found out you were only able to do so many a year. Now, you have 2 kind of people that come to garage sales. The kind that look and pay for the price on the sticker(I fall in that category) and the ones that want to haggle you to death. What does that mean exactly? Basically, it’s like nagging. But done in a way to make the seller loose her ( I am the “her” in this story)ever fucking mind . So much,that she wants to drop the item in question onto the concrete. Stomp on said item. Then, take lighter fluid to it and light a match. And while it burns look at the buyer and say, “I’m sorry that item is already sold” as I smile at them manically. As you can see, I probably need to do a future garage sale to pay for my anger management classes. Since dealing with people face to face wasn’t panning out. I decided to do EBAY.

Now, EBAY seemed like a safer way for me to roll my eyes at people without them seeing. Or have me smacking my head against a wall while chanting, “People can’t possibly be this stupid!” The answer to that question is YES.!And anyone that has worked in any form of retail can attest to that. Selling wasn’t the hard part. Answering questions that ranged from the dimensions of a domino(guess that was crucial into their decision making), to asking if I or someone in the house could model the bikini( I should have tried squeezing into that tiny thing and scaring the shit out of that perv), or can I get this item to them by Christmas and it’s Christmas Eve(Don’t I look like Fucking Santa Claus to you?)and countless other questions that I have chosen to blank out of my mind. To dealing with the few complaints I had received. My favorites were the ones who obviously did not read my descriptions of the item. I always put measurements in on my clothes. To save people the trouble of returning something. I remember one time I sent this sweater that was actually quite big but was a kids XL. All the measurements were in the listing. But of course, some buyer went off in the deep end about how it didn’t fit their poor daughter. And her daughter was so upset. All I could think is your fucking daughter Sasquatch? But whatever. Refunded the broad but really wanted to tell her to buy her a daughter a tent! Yes, I learned that dealing with people in a sales way wasn’t my thing. It was hard to give up my business. Because I had invested so much time into it. But my husband wanted his basement back. And really I was so over people!

But like all things I do in life. I like to repeat my mistakes. Recently, I decided to clean house and list stuff on craigslist, Fb marketplace, and let it go. Because obviously I’m a sucker for pain(that pain is in my head from yelling at my phone).The first couple of days my shit was up. I mean my valuable items. I had reliable buyers who actually contacted me and showed up to get the items. But since then I have been getting the people who make me want to drink. I’m like why am I getting stuck dealing with them. The lady who was supposedly”interested” in my brand new cat scratch post asked me to call her. 30 minutes later and knowing the history of her cats., grandkids, and kids. She tells me she doesn’t think she can afford it. But she’ll call me back if she changes her mind. All I could think was that I was going to have to change my number after 15 years.

My favorite thing to do lately is wasting my time responding to messages people send me. Because I obviously have no life and need no sleep. Why do people ask you if an item is still available. And when you answer back they decide they weren’t interested. Like is this some kind of game? If it is, I didn’t get no rules. And it seems like my nemesis from my garage sale days are back in full force over the internet. That’s right people! The hagglers didn’t die. They just multiplied! But the best part is I drop the prices for them. Then, they want me to drive to where they are. Are you fucking kidding me? I know this is the day and age of getting everything delivered to you. But why the hell do you think I want to meet you for $5? It will cost me more in gas. I would never dream of asking someone to do that. If someone is selling something,I think its safe to assume you are going to their house or a place they choose to get the item. And people you would not believe how often that has been happening. I’m sorry but it’s not my problem if you don’t have a ride. Now, if this was a life or death situation. And I was selling the only food left to mankind. Maybe, I would be more compassionate. But if its a damn collector beanie baby. I’m thinking you don’t need it to survive. So, either find a ride or go without.

Most of you are probably reading this and thinking how the hell do I work with people. Well, I’m actually good at my job. But after those 3 12 hour shifts my compassion has left the building. And my super Bitch flag is flying. So, if you are contacting me about items I’m selling you better be serious and packing money and transportation. Because I am not running no damn charity. This broke bitch is trying to make a little side money. Now, I wanted that money to go to whatever. Not to my future visits to the shrink. So, keep a sister sane. And stop asking me to drive to you. Do you ask your drug dealers to meet you? And if you tell me you are coming over. And make me waste my time waiting on you. At least, have common courtesy to say you can’t make it. Because despite what you might think. I don’t have a crystal ball. Nor am I psychic. Thank you. And Goodwill I think next week will be your lucky week. Because if I wanted to deal with this many clowns. I would have joined the damn circus.

*Since I don’t own photo credit for this picture. Better give credit to Jerry Maguire!