The magical diet pill or the harbinger of humiliation? You decide.

A couple of weeks ago me and another person were sharing humiliating stories(you know who you are. LOL). And this was one I shared. And today it popped up in my FB memories. I saw it as a sign to share my humiliation with my readers. Why not! It might save someone’s ass cheeks from going raw. Your welcome!

I really hate when my husband is right. I bought these new diet pills. One of my customer’s swears by them. Says she lost 10 pounds in like 1 or 2 weeks. And seeing that I’ve gained 30 pounds since I quit smoking. I’m game for anything. Well, my know it all husband is like, “Why you wasting money on that shit? If people could just take a pill to loose weight. No one would be fat. You just need to exercise.” As he went on and on. So, I did the mature thing. I rolled my eyes and just popped the magic pills in my mouth. Waited the half hour and then ate like it said to do. The only warning I saw on the box was to drink plenty of fluid when taking the pill. So, it don’t get stuck. Whatever. So, I’m on the mission to find the skinny me. Go to work. Come home for lunch. I am mentally picturing fitting in my clothes again. And then the unthinkable happens. First it just starts out as a rumble. I’m thinking god I can’t be hungry. Then, it starts to turn into “Jesus Christ I think Rosemary’s baby is growing in me”. As the spawn of Satan turns my stomach into turmoil. I realize I’m stuck at the damn register and I’m trying to check customers out. But at the same time I’m stressing out that any minute I’m going to vomit or fed ex a wet fart. So, I finally had to have a co-worker man the fort. Figured I wasn’t taken any chances. And at least she was a chick. She understood the whole “code brown” thing. But then she left. I was left my other 2 co-workers. Had to call them up to the front a few times so I could do the run of shame to the bathroom. By this point I just want to go home and die. I’m thinking I’m okay with being a fat hefter. Just make my stomach stop hurting. I’m seriously debating if I need to purchase depends for the ride home(don’t worry. no underwear was harmed on this journey) Time I get home I can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Being the genius I am. I decide to do some research on this little wonder pill. Oh, ya. I guess they forgot to mention that this pill expands(okay not quite the word but sue me for not remembering what I read. I was busy running back and forth to the bathroom you know) so it makes you feel full. The only thing is if you overeat it will make you sick. Thank you internet for that tidbit. Wish I researched that before. Because nothing like having your stomach torn apart at work. So, the moral of the story is. 1) occasionally your husband might be right. 2)you have to put in the work if you want to loose weight(meaning there’s no magic pill 3) And never. I repeat NEVER start some new kind of weight loss plan when you have to work. Unless, You want to the code brown dash all night.

Got photo from GIPHY/ movie Bridesmaids