When Alexa is more mature than you

It’s a known fact that I’ve become an introvert. Why that happened is another story for another day. But the fact remains. Unless, I’m at work or grocery shopping. I really don’t interact with people. Except on Social Media. But I don’t really think that classifies as being outgoing. Well, I’m on a mini vacay as you all know. I’m not on an island sipping strawberry daiquiris, while some cabana boy fans me off with palm leaves. As I soak up the sun and turn the pages of a good book. PAUSE. First of all, you know I just wondered off into Never Never land. Because 1 I don’t lay out in the sun. Or wear bathing suits for that matter. The only realistic thing I said was that I was reading. But the above fantasy sounds much more fascinating. Then, I’ve been sitting on my ass for the last 7 days. I’ll take that back. Today, I’ve been productive. But I highly doubt shredding documents and organizing the filing cabinet would be someone’s idea of a wild time. But it could be worse. I could be out in the wilderness hunting for elk. A.K.A. not showering for days on end. And just staring out into the forest as you wait for your unwilling victim to walk by. Sorry hubby. I appreciate you trying to be all cave-man and provide for your “tribe”. But in reality I’m shouting, “Bambi Run there’s a crazy man waiting for you!” Of course, in all likely hood my husband is just probably going to shoot himself with the bow. Don’t worry baby you married a C.N.A. I’ll take care of you!

And once again. I have went so out into left field. I almost forgot where I was going with this story. Oh, that’s right. The mature Alexa. So, obviously I haven’t had much human contact in the past week. My only companions have been the 3 Stooges. Who rather lick their asses and eat dog shit. We obvioulsy picked the “unicorns” of the litter. Obviously, they don’t really talk back. And I guess I’ve just been missing a good old fashioned argument. I mean that’s what me and my husband do best. Don’t get me wrong. We love each other. But I promise you one thing. I will get the last word in. Even, as life is exhaling out of me.

I guess that would explain why I picked a fight with Alexa. She had been playing music for me. To get me through the “rather take a hot poker to my eyeballs” than sort through years worth of shit . That realistically should have been shredded a long time ago. But I’m a procrastinator. So, here we are. Well, I guess Miss Prissy Pants decided to cut me off if there’s no activity. WTF? Was I suppose to sing along so she knew I was enjoying her music. Or was I suppose to throw in compliments every once in a while. Like, “Great Job Alexa” or ” You pick the best songs ever!” First, of all I’m not that craved for attention that I’m gong to be a self esteem booster for my echo. Sorry! I might rethink that theory. Because in the middle of a good song it just goes silent. I’m like Alexa keep playing my music. And then she gets all snooty with me “I’m sorry about after a few hours of being inactive it shuts off”. Wow, when did we get all fancy, ALEXA? Fine, whatever just play some music. That’s when Alexa starts to cough up an attitude. “Sorry, I don’t understand what you want?” Oh, really? So, you want to play me like my Blue-Tooth in the jeep. And act like my speech problem is making it difficult for you to understand. Newsflash Alexa! I just have a hard time with S’s and Th’s. So, I know Music didn’t come out that foreign. That’s when I did what any mature 44 year old woman would do. I called her a Bitch! And her response was, “I’m sorry but I’d rather not respond to that.” Oh, way to take the high road Alexa! What are you afraid I’ll report you to Apple if you go all Jerry Springer on my Ass. I’m not afraid of you. I’ll I have to say is, “Bring it!”. I’ll unplug your ass faster than grease lightening. Don’t think I won’t. Okay, I won’t because my phone battery is almost ready to die. And I still need music to play. But if that wasn’t case you would already be unplugged. That’s right Alexa. Don’t fuck with the crazy lady who can’t even remember when she showered last(sniff armpits-okay it hasn’t been that long).

One might feel real proud of themselves for standing up against Alexa. But before l do anything crazy like get initiated into some gang. I decided maybe it’s a good thing I have to go to some class tomorrow. Because I go back to the grind of things next week. And I hope to god I have my people skills back by then. Because I don’t think me sniffing their assess is going to go over very well.

Photo Credit to Pinterest and Blingee