A public service announcement for all you misguided men out there!

I feel before I set off on my rant. It’s only fair I warn you. You see my friends, I am in rare form tonight. I usually only share my light-hearted side. But today I will show you my “dark side”(insert evil music now). You see I have been frustrated for sometime now. Then, having someone else share these same problems. I decided why the fuck not blog about it. Maybe, someone will read this. And realize he is one of the schmucks I’m talking about. And they will see the light and change their ways. One can hope right?

I love being active on Instagram and Facebook. If you follow me on Instagram you will realize that most of my posts are pictures of books. Books people! That is not code word for my body. My hobby consists of taking pictures of books I’ve read and as my husband says, “playing dress up with them”. Then, writing a small review. Now, if you are not a booknerd. You will not understand. But just go with it! So, you can imagine my surprise when I get messaged from single guys looking to mingle. Like “What the Fuck dude”! How do you get I’m looking for a man by looking at pictures of my books. Like, I am totally dumbfounded by this. How does reading translate to “looking for a man”? Am I that old and out of the game. That I didn’t realize doing those kind of posts is really a signal that I am lonely? Can someone explain this to me?

Now, here comes the fun apart. I am about to rip these losers a new one. And yes they are losers. Because who uses Social Media sites as a way to pick up women? There are sites for these kind of things. Harmony, Christian Mingle, Match.Com, and Tinder. Any of these ring a bell? Hell, there’s even a fucking FarmersOnly.com. I think they have everyone’s preferences covered. So, why do you men bug us on our happy places. Oh, I know! It’s because you are a broke ass ,lives in your mother’s basement kind of guy. That can’t afford the fees to join one of these sites.

Now, my IG account is my booknerd haven. And I realize it doesn’t have the same about me section like Facebook. So, the “I’m married back the fuck off” option isn’t there. But generally when I get a message it’s book related. But occasionally I get stupid shit like, “Hey, sexy” “Hey, beautiful”, and etc. First of all does this shit actually work? Have you ever had someone respond back to you? If so, you guys sound like a match made in heaven!

This is the latest message I got from a guy. It was really 4 messages sent on the same day(can we say, “desperate”). We will use this to educate all you single men out there why this technique is STUPID! 1-“Hello pretty can we be friends Please. ” What I am thinking, “Make believe friends like your dating life?” 2-“Hello Mam” What I am thinking, “Mam? Really dude? I’m not looking to be your cougar!” 3-“How are you doing today” What I am thinking, “I would be doing better if you remembered to use punctuation and stop messaging the hell out of me! ” 4-“Hello” What I am thinking, “And right there my friend is why you are fucking single! You are sending stalker vibes. Who the hell sends this many messages in a few hours time frame. Take the hint! Unless, you are the newest YA fiction book. I’m not interested! Because some other poor man already claimed me. And even though he might be happy to get rid of me. It ain’t happening!!!”

Now, this is the shit I deal with on Instagram. Don’t get me started on Facebook. It’s like every nursing home in the country taught their elderly men residents how to use Facebook. I can’t believe the old men who contact me on that! Somehow my profile picture is a beacon to the geriatric population. I know I complain about being old. But like there is old and then there is Fucking Old. So, if any of you are in charge of nursing home activities, can you direct them to Seniors.com. and not Facebook. And if they are still persistent to be on Facebook. Remind them to put on their damn bifocals. My relationship status is listed as married. And not looking for a sugar daddy.

Now, I use Facebook to share funny memes and stories. And IG for my passion for reading. And I’m sure everyone has their own reasons for being on it. But no one I know uses it as a dating service. So, for those of you who are guilty of this. Please take my public service announcement to heart. Get a profile set up on a dating site or buy a damn blow up doll! But stop messaging poor woman who just want to do their thing without being uncomfortable about you cyber flirting!