Funny how hitting snooze can cause the apocalypse!

photo credit to memeexplorer.com

Love fb memories. This one from 3 years ago makes me so happy that I don’t have to get kids off to school in the morning. My condolences to the rest of you going through this still.

It’ s offical I HATE MORNINGS. There’s a damn good reason I work night shirt. Because being up when the sun is rising is some serious bullshit.

Seeing the kids have had the last 3 days off due to snow. I wasn’t prepared for getting up. I actually slept through my alarm the first time.And that’s hard to do. When that things goes off you want to jump out of bed and take cover because you think you are under attack. But somehow this morning it didn’t phase me till it went off the 2nd time. And even then I laid there wondering why it was going off at this god awful hour. Then, reality set it. And so did the profanity and the jumping around. Trying to disentangle myself from my blankets while getting dressed in the dark was fun. But in crisis situations like this. There is no time for lights. And to add insult to injury my teenage daughter was not up Well, Well looks like you will be sporting the “I just got out of bed look” because there’s no damn time to make yourself look presentable. But don’t worry baby. You are so rocking that bedhead.

The only kind of day you don’t want to be doing the morning shuffle is when the roads still suck. Ya, forgot about that minor detail. And looking at the temp. of 7 degrees this fine morning. I’m not thinking this ice rink that my street is buried under is going to melt anytime soon. And that assumption was proven when the radio confirmed only a high of maybe 32. And chance of some light snow this night. What the hell does that mean? And what the hell is wrong with the weatherman. Dude you are predicting the damn weather. Not your wife’s menustration cycle! ” There’s a 10-30% chance of some light snow tonight. But nothing like the heavy snow we got earlier this week”. Feel like sticking a big maxi pad on my driveway.

It’s funny how a simple thing like not hearing your alarm can set everything into chaos. Skylar was late to school. Which meant we were late getting home. So, instead of Josiah having all the time to get ready. I was like a drill seargant…GET DRESSED! HURRY UP AND EAT! BRUSH YOUR TEETH! THERE’S NO TIME TO PLAY WITH THE DOG! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T FIND YOUR OTHER GLOVE? DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT IS? YOU WILL FREEZE TO DEATH(with that last saying I almost wanted to cry. Oh, my god I sound like my mother). Poor kid. And so not only was I psycho. I was dropping and breaking things because I wasn’t paying attention. Got in a fight with a baby gate. Okay I do that every morning. That thing brings out the tourette’s in me. I really don’t know how I managed these years ago with my kids. Because let’s face it. Those things are like fucking rocket science! Thank god for my 7 yr. old grandson(everyone should have one of those)cause he put it up in 2 seconds flat. Such a show off. Really I was just pretending to be stupid. I knew how to put up a damn gate. I didn’t need no 7 yr. old to show me. Ya, right!

But the real climax to this wonderful morning. Is when I’m trying to get out the door with Josiah. I was going to drive him to the bus stop since it’s so damn cold. Well, I had the genius idea to let the dog go outside. Ya, that was frickin brillant. Because puppies are like children. They sense when you are in a hurry. So, he deided that it was playtime. And did I mention this time we were playing “Let’s taunt mommy and make her gag” “That’s right ladies and gentleman I got frozen shit in my mouth.” “Let’s see how fast this bitch can run now.” Ya, that was me chasing the dog and yelling this moring. And swearing like a sailor. Because did I mention I only had on my crocks. And that little fucker couldn’t keep on the path his daddy dug out for him. Oh, hell no. He kept faking me out and diving through the snow drifts. But eventually this old broad outsmarted him. And got him. Even with wet socks, a red face, and difficulty breathing I still declare it a victory. That was until I get the dog in the kennel and yell at my grandson we were going to miss the bus. Well, that fell on to deaf ears because he wasn’t there. Oh, ya. Somehow the “I’m taking you to the bus today just let me get the dog” went in one ear and out the other one. Either that or he was betting on the puppy. And decided he didn’t want to miss the bus. I finally caught up to him at the bus stop. But against his horror made him wait in the jeep with his nonnie. There went his cool status. Oh, flipping well. If you are going to head out in this kind of weather with no hat(you know that thing I kept telling you to get so you were ready to go) jacket not zipped up, and thank god you at least had on your gloves. Of course, you will be stuck sitting with the old lady. I want my grandson. Not a frozen Hans Solo. Besides how would I explain to my daughter how come her son is stuck in a block of ice on my watch. Don’t think so mister!

Well, all the kids are at school. Satan is taking a nap. And I think I’m going to go make a 2nd cup of coffee. Because I sense it’s going to be a really long day. By the way spell check in not working. So, get out the red ink pen out on this catastrophe of bitching!